Thoughts begin to flow fluidly through me once again. Its beginning to hit me back to reality. My enlistment letter has arrived. Its about time neway but i am some what appaulled by how little time i have left with so much i would have liked to do. The anguish within oozes more and more each passing minute. I knoe one thing for sure. Once i step in Ns, things are going to happen in my head.
For a long time, i have realized this fact but no matter what, the process will begin. It is only a matter of time. What thoughts? Thoughts of pain and suffering. Thoughts of abandonment. A long time has passed. A relatively long time. At least thats what i think. In those times, i have found solace in God, smoke, friends, ultimate frisbee, etc. It never seems to last long though.
A deep pain surges through my veins. A pain undeniable. I have so many questions yet unanswered and no idea of what the outcome may be.
Lord, its been a while since i've been close to you. I step forth with an open heart and mind, pouring out my all. I feel stupid. Just dun seem to be avle to do your will. U have sent so many to help me through the jess issue. No doubt. But has this process come to an end? At the back of my head i kinda guess the answer is no. I feel lyk crying so much at times and i run away from reality. I cannot take another experience of such and You know it. People have said that there is something special in me which will prevail in time. When is that time? When is the time Lord.
I keep falling and failing anf failing and falling. I am too tired to get up anymore. The will of my spirit has dissipated. Vanquished into oblivion. Without You here. i fear the worst. The void within revails itself once again. I believe that you have been bringing me through this for a reason, one i do not know. What is this void i am feeling?
A possibility is that i just wanna settle down with someone whom i can be with for life. Why do i want a life partner? I am still so young. My only answer to that is that its always good to have someone to stand by me through thick and thin. Through life. I told jess once before, if you will not stand with my through NS what makes you think that you can stand by me through life?
Could my past be the problem of all these causes? No matter what its too late now. Now i stand at a similar crossroad now. Sigh. What is hope? really? what is hope? i fail to find an appropriate answer within my programmed biological data base. Searched www.dictionary.com and came out with something
Idiom:
hope against hope
To hope with little reason or justification.
its just a shallow comparison to what i am feeling. The longing to fill this void seems to increase with time. I dun wanna hope no more but the saying hope never dies. Hope this void will be filled in its own way soon else if time carries on and it does die, i might just get derranged.
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59 days to depression
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1416 hours
=
=
84960 minutes
=
=
5097600 seconds
=
left...........
Tick tock
tick tock
For a long time, i have realized this fact but no matter what, the process will begin. It is only a matter of time. What thoughts? Thoughts of pain and suffering. Thoughts of abandonment. A long time has passed. A relatively long time. At least thats what i think. In those times, i have found solace in God, smoke, friends, ultimate frisbee, etc. It never seems to last long though.
A deep pain surges through my veins. A pain undeniable. I have so many questions yet unanswered and no idea of what the outcome may be.
Lord, its been a while since i've been close to you. I step forth with an open heart and mind, pouring out my all. I feel stupid. Just dun seem to be avle to do your will. U have sent so many to help me through the jess issue. No doubt. But has this process come to an end? At the back of my head i kinda guess the answer is no. I feel lyk crying so much at times and i run away from reality. I cannot take another experience of such and You know it. People have said that there is something special in me which will prevail in time. When is that time? When is the time Lord.
I keep falling and failing anf failing and falling. I am too tired to get up anymore. The will of my spirit has dissipated. Vanquished into oblivion. Without You here. i fear the worst. The void within revails itself once again. I believe that you have been bringing me through this for a reason, one i do not know. What is this void i am feeling?
A possibility is that i just wanna settle down with someone whom i can be with for life. Why do i want a life partner? I am still so young. My only answer to that is that its always good to have someone to stand by me through thick and thin. Through life. I told jess once before, if you will not stand with my through NS what makes you think that you can stand by me through life?
Could my past be the problem of all these causes? No matter what its too late now. Now i stand at a similar crossroad now. Sigh. What is hope? really? what is hope? i fail to find an appropriate answer within my programmed biological data base. Searched www.dictionary.com and came out with something
Idiom:
hope against hope
To hope with little reason or justification.
its just a shallow comparison to what i am feeling. The longing to fill this void seems to increase with time. I dun wanna hope no more but the saying hope never dies. Hope this void will be filled in its own way soon else if time carries on and it does die, i might just get derranged.
=
59 days to depression
=
=
1416 hours
=
=
84960 minutes
=
=
5097600 seconds
=
left...........
Tick tock
tick tock
