I was supposed to leave for my MSTD today. But, suddenly, i was told that its being postponed. The Navy sometimes really gets on my nerves when they have all these sudden changes that just pop up here and there but i guess thats the life... Argh... i'm rather happy that i did not have to sail so fast due to certain issues but yeah i'm still going to have to sail. When? Should be this coming week. Why? The reason is confidential. That was what was told to me by my commanders. Hai... Everything is going to change.. The schedule, etc.. i hope the ports dun change. But i dun think that i'll be going on my adventure training trip anymore. Hai... Well.. Will be unloading and loading on another vessel of the same class tmr.. hai.. am going to be to to tired..

I happened to help my batch in helping those whom did not finish their indebtedness form. After making sure that everyone had finished it, i found out that my dy navy(LTC) wanted to issue confinement to those whom had done it late.. this included me of course. I am not saying that i'm wrong just that there where so many things involved. Our schedule, which was to packed and we were almost outstation everyday, chinese new year, when everything else was closed and lastly, the bigggest problem of them all, their server side problems. Anyway, so i proceeded on to take up the task to try to explain to dy navy(LTC) that it was not my batches fault and everything.... to cut the !@#$ing story short, i have to write a statement on why everything was submitted late and he will consider the punishment.. i heard that it might be in Korea so if thats the case, i'm really going to have to suck it up. What seems worse is that non of those !@#$ers involved seem to care that i am even bothering to take all this shit upon my shoulders and sheltering them from it all. I was not made in charge of this. I simply thought to help out. I'm the only person taking care of this matter with another guy and the rest dun fuck care really. The world ain't fair at all is it?

I'd like to say a few words to those whom really dun care and have jokingly or whatever,good friends, friends, non-friends, acquaintences or just basically every mother fucker who asked me to just take the punishment for everyone or whatever bullshit really... Guys i got a coupla words for you... FUCK YOU... YOU BETTER WATCH YOUR BACK... WHEN I SEE THE OPPOTUNITY TO BRING YOU DOWN... I WILL NOT HESISTATE..

Dear God, although there is doubt in me, i'd like to thank you for placing the hurdles in life which i had to learn how to cross by nyself. You have been there always. I've never really taken much time to thank you coz once in a while, it still hurts and the searing pain reappears from the void which i've been trying to close up for so long. But i dun regret it. At least i do not blame you one but anymore. well, maybe its just human nature to want to have someone. You've retaught me the meaning of friendship though and i see relationships now with a totally new light. My hopes and dreams i'll leave to you. You know what i want so dearly but if its not time yet den just supply the needs ya? There has been so much that i've seen you've done for me. From the way i see things, you have taught me much of what i never would have learnt. Not many will say that you've been there all the time but i think that i can. I say this knowing in faith that when i go for mstd, not being able to rely on anyone at all that you'll be there. I sucks that i am not able to hear your voice though. I wish i could. It'd be so cool. Well, i cant type much anymore. I have to go and pack my stuff. I dread going back to camp and currently at this time am feeling rather down. Dunno what to say le. Amen

BNT = Basic Naval Term
MSTD = midshipman sea training developement
ANT = Advance Naval Term

I'm going to be sailing soon..... its 15 more days... or rather 14..... not sure how in the world i am going to cope with the lack of sleep of just the 2 hours + a day if i;m lucky but i know that God will provide a way so i am not so worried.. but still a lill.... eekks... There is going to be so much to learn and i do not know if i can cope under the circumstances... just hope the term goes by fast and i get out of it fine.... in truth, i hope to have an appt position in the ANT government but that, i'll leave to the officers. am not all hard up about it..

I;m more worried that i'll drift away from someone. She's been there for me ever since i crashed from jess. Just hope things will remain... o well.... i'm gonna rest a lill... have to go out again!

First day out. Damn tired. Can feel the queesiness beginning to go away. After lunch was the worst. Ate a little bit too much den the ship was rolling and stuff. A couple of people have already gotten sea sick. One or teo have already hurled. Its only ten at night now but my long night has just begun. There is so much to do and so little time. Am writing this during communication lesson as my mind is already switched off. Tonights the only night that i am going to be able to sleep 5 hours. Haven smoked and intend to stop from here on but only time will tell right? Only time will tell. I haven had the time to infrom so many of my sailing off.... Wish i did so i'll just try my best to type everything here and hope you read it yourself k. Sorry.

Had my first flashX (moss code) lesson/test today BTW, its the testing of reading the mos code by flashing lights on the screen. HAven done particularly wellbut hope to improve to achieve the extra 20 minutes sleep everyday. Its like an incentive for passing and if you fail... haha.. good luck... less sleep and all. There will be 4 tests this leg though its only 8 days I'm so going to die. Seriously. We'll be up till at least 3 each morning and @ 530 we wake up . Trying my best to conserve the energy. Wont have much time after i get back. My back is killing me. My neck. My shoulders, losing percious info absorbed during the day at a tragic rate.