I just finished watching the longest yard with cheryl and sudddenly my heart was heavy. Most probably was because of not going to work tmr. See, the duty thing goes something like this: duty followed by a normal working day and then an off day. Its a priveledge not an entitlement. Thats what they call it. Anyway, the thing that troubles me is that i am still new in the unit and i dunno what people will say behind my back. Sometimes, its just hard. Well, my senior, my DY OC, assured me to stay home so i've decided to do that since tmr will probably not be a fruitful day again. Basically i cant seem to get much work done in camp so maybe i'll look through some notes back here.... yeah rite.

The future is beginning to trouble me. will i have a bright future? will i do well and get a well paying job? will i be able to find one. Will i rise well in the management ladder? Will i be able to get back on track with God? Will i be able to?

Will i?

How often is it that one gets up on a saturday morning with a slight frown.. My mom's friends are on transit here in singapore from germany before heading back to australia so i decided to give up my room to them and i'll just sleep outside. After last night, i realise how much of an inconvenience it is to not have your personal space. Maybe i've been a little spoilt. Sigh. When i was on the phone with cheryl, there was no where i could be alone. Every room was occupied, xept the toilets that is.

More bad news again. Most probably cheryl wont be able to come with me to aust to study. Or even study at all. I wish that i could find some way to get that money she can study. My heads all messed up. I dunno y this has to happen. I still hope for a miracle.

The question of my life : Do wishes and dreams ever come true???

ALl these years, i have no tbeen one to celebrate my birthday. I think it stopped somewhere round the time of primary 5... Think my cousins' families and all just deecided that it was too tedious to actually meet up.

Mostly, tis year, the nation was not really all that kind to me and i only knew that i'd be free today about 2 and a half weeks ago. By that time, chalets and all that crap were already booked up. In truth, i could have just skipped my birthday... just like every year but my parents were quite enthusiastic so i thought to just pull it off. I decided on my gramps place because it was rather big plus it was where i remember celebrating my birthday.

To you guys who came, I will remember you all for physically turning up. Love you all. Thanks for making the effort and i really appreciate that. Many years from now, i will look back and smile when i think of you'll. But, dun expect me to celebrate again k. Hee.... I'm not the kind to.

It hasn been long and yet again... sigh... truely these are the signs of the end days. I've been rather bothered of late and things just seem so fragile. They are. Every minute of life is so damn precious. I'm so happy that the lord has been with me all this time. Though i may seem a rather bad example, i hope that in time (couple of days) when i really am going to kick the habit, be an example to others that they may to come to know him.

Too abstract? well, my minds a tinge messed up right now. Forgive me

I've been wondering. What steps am i going to take from here? Work? Education? I believe education is the step but do i have the means to do it? I hope that the Lord will open up ways for cheryl also. My minds bogged out and i have no idea how the road will go. Sigh. I wish that there were people that could just lend the money first and all. I really wish.

Been so busy since entering fast boat. It used to be very slack but i guess that the lord does not want me to slacken in any way. I guess its to build determination. That for the future will surely be important. Must try to find ways to earn money. Even though it may just be a little bit so that i can supplement our future. Well. Its all in his hands