I am still left in utter amazement that my blog is still jammed. I wonder what settings are required. Damn stupid thing. I should have made sure everything was ok before i made the damn switch. Stupid thing. For rather stupid me.

Works been really piling up and i am getting worried. And sadly i have begun to see the ugly nature of many things. If we could change the world what would you change.

Dealing with group politics can be a real bitch. Even when you are on the winning side coz you have to take so much fucking effort to make sure the other does not manage to screw you over. Its been really hell trying to make sure everything goes smoothly.

Just before this, i actually had alot of inspiration to write. but i think i have lost that now so tt.

There are times like today when i wake up in the morning and i feel like crap. Its being alone at home again. With so much on my mind and so much on my heart. Having both a physical and mental burden just increases the stress exponentially. There is so much to be done and so little time.

Ironically i want this term to end swiftly. Sigh. I dun even have time to blog properly.

I ask myself whether i have been slacking or whether i have just overworked beyond what my determination can deal with. Its been a long time since i felt this way but it reached the point where i just did not wanna care on how to make my work better. Well, the grades have been average but thats not what i want. Man. Am i losing focus?

I've been fucked recently. There is so much bloody work and its playing the cat and mouse game and it seems i can never catch the bloody mouse. I'll blog more later on in the easter break. Meanwhile, here is my new fav song:



It's one thing to ask why we break up
Have you ever wondered why it is we fall in love?
Can you tell me, do you know what it is you're looking for?
Why do we need? Can you tell me why I care?
How is it that we hear that voice that says, 'I want you there'?
Thanks, you've been fuel for thought
Now I'm more lonely than before, but that's okay
I've just ready-made another fucking love song
And thanks, you've been fuel for thought
Now I'm more lonely than before, but that's okay
I've just ready-made another fucking love song
In a single moment you might be perfect
And sit in a window of my life
But how much, how much more would I yearn to see?
What would I strive to hide, now there will be no compromise?
So take it in your stride, I'll believe you now with a smile
Thanks, you've been fuel for thought
Now I'm more lonely than before, but that's okay
I've just ready-made another fucking love song
And thanks, you've been fuel for thought
Now I'm more lonely than before, but that's okay
I've just ready-made another fucking love song
Look into my eyes
Ours was no love sacrifice
For it has helped us to grow
And I'm sorry, I know just how far I have to go alone
Thanks, you've been fuel for thought
Now I'm more lonely than before, but that's okay
I've just ready-made another fucking love song
And thanks, you've been fuel for thought
Now I'm more lonely than before, but that's okay
I've just ready-made another fucking love song
I've just ready-made another love song
Just ready-made another love song

So we fight as hard as we can. And we try as we might. Does the outcome matter all that much? But we try to the best of our abilities. And work piles and piles.. and deliverables keep on coming and i begin to worry. To some extent, it kinda reminds me of navy. It brings back some nostalgia. I wonder whether anyone really appreciates the work i do. But den again, we try. And we fight. Because really, we try to shine not fr ourselves but for Him. I hope that i am glorifying your name. I hope so. I know i can never compare. But Lord i try.

They say what we do in life echoes through eternity. How true is that?

I've been really max-ed out in school. Am already falling behind on many things. Iquestion whether i have been the more efficient i can be and the answer is no. But i;m going to keep at it. I once had a goal and i;m not going to lose sight of it again.

So i throw myself into the toughest situations i can get into for school and i pray God will do the rest.

School started a while ago. The workload this sem is really raping my mind. You have to sex up your java-ness and go in but there are always problems keeping the logic and mental strength up. How long these periods last dun depend how how long you can keep at it but more of whatever you know or can figure out how to work it. So far i've been pounding it hard but still cant seem to find the spot. Have managed to fix most of the issues to date, so you can say that i might be above average. But the satisfaction from that is minute. Its always beginning of the new ones that yet another struggle begins. And if you go straight on one after another, it seems so much harder to get it.

I hate java. Someone help me.

School started a while ago. The workload this sem is really raping my mind. You have to sex up your java-ness and go in but there are always problems keeping the logic and mental strength up. How long these periods last dun depend how how long you can keep at it but more of whatever you know or can figure out how to work it. So far i've been pounding it hard but still cant seem to find the spot. Have managed to fix most of the issues to date, so you can say that i might be above average. But the satisfaction from that is minute. Its always beginning of the new ones that yet another struggle begins. And if you go straight on one after another, it seems so much harder to get it.
I hate java. Someone help me.

I was very recently asked to participate in a survey and my thoughts were as follows. BTW happy chinese new year everyone!


On a scale of 1 - 5 (1 being not satisfied and 5 being very satisfied), rate how satisfied are you with the current policies and systems of Singapore and why?

3. The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. There should be more schemes for the mid range class of people. Incorporate more for the people. Our nation has already been built. Dun get me wrong. We should still continue to build for the future but more of the focus should be the people of which will be in that future. If you fail to cater to the needs of the people, what kind of future will there be?



If there is one thing that you can change in Singapore's policies, what would it be and why?


Its hard to decide between 2 issues so i will mention both. Firstly, the issue of national service being too long and all that has been a large hoo ha in our history. Having recently a reduction in national service, i do agree that there has been a positive change but still, its allowance which in turn means no CPF. Non, national servicemen (so as not to just target the ladies), do not earn 2 years of CPF. Meaning hundreds if not thousands of dollars. This although small amount could be the very beginning of one whom has been through national service. I will not emphasise more on this because i am too busy to bother fighting on this policy as I HAVE ALREADY SERVED MY TIME. Secondly and one cannot emphasise more on the environment. Recycling is close to zilch back home. Singaporeans probably do not even know what it means. Take Australia and Japan for example. If we, singaporeans, make the effort to recycle, it will go a long way. Let me explain. I was actually away when this happened but from what i heard, singapore pointed out to another country nearby that they were poluting our air and later had to gave an apology. If we make the effort, there might be some basis. But in all things, it begins from yourself. Yourself meaning the individual. Yourself meaning the family, your home and then sooner or later it will be your country. Bins for paper and cardboard items, another for plastic and glass and the usual rubbish bin. Maybe even teaching national education on recycling should be placed into the education system. When you start small, you grow with it. Save the environment. Do your F***ing part. For the 2 issues, the latter is more impt. Like THE...(guys, lets not be selfish)



What kind of feeling does singing the national anthem and reciting of the pledge everyday when you were in school?


nothing.



Does watching the annual National Day Parade give you a sense of pride and belonging? Why?


Of course. One, my girlfriend loves fireworks and two, My CPF of which i could have earned from national service might have been for the fireworks. I contributed so why not watch?



If Singapore were to break into a war, would you stay and pull through with Singapore or leave the country? Why?


I am not in Singapore now but if my family and loved one was there, i would fly back and fight to keep them safe. Nothing comes close. Navy! But if everyone i love is out of the country, i'd leave coz there is nothing in it of which i would find the will to fight. Plus why would i go to war handling my men under me without the cause and will. That would be wrong.



Would you feel emotionally attached to the country if you were going to be overseas for a long time (eg. < 5 years)? Why?


Yes. Its the 4 Fs. Family, Friends, FOOD, and f*cked up-ness of the singaporeans (selfish, unfriendly, rude coz sometimes i am like that too when i am in a bad mood. When i am in a bad mood and everyone around me is so shit, i fit right in.)


If given a chance to emigrate to any country of your choice, would you do it and why?

Australia or USA. Australia coz its a nice place with friendly people and HIGHER pay than the shit they give back home. I could do alot more. Or the States because i have family there.

its been 12 days i've been away. If you ask me, i'm doing pretty ok. I've been able to settle well. The house is fucking messy i have to say. Basically i;m just coming up with the most abstract of reasons to actually skip cleaning up. For example, there was this huge cockroach which my housemate's tuition kid saw in the drawer but we were all too damn lazy to kill it... So we gave 'bruce' the oppotunity to live on another day. Its just something we have decided to call all the cockroaches. It was a large mother btw... So, days go by and when i was searching for gigi today, i found bruce dead under the couch. It only goes to prove that it all works out for the best.

I;ve missed church again this week due to the st kilda festival but since i have no one to accompany me, i guess, you know what... fuck making up excuses. I admit that its just an excuse. This week, i will go no matter what. I hope.

The wii is excellent. Its been my buddy. as in like seriously. It was what kept me going fo rthe past few days. Red steel was a great game... but i finished it and i dun feel like starting another man...

O ya... when i left singapore, i went on business class. Upgraded waahhoooooo... it was great. The service, the food, and the space. just marvellous. I made a fool of myself not knowing where everything was. But that is that... i lost the motivation to talk about that already.

I miss cheryl. I miss the rest of the group (peter, anand, qh, wy, wl) and in truth i wonder how everything is going to be once i go back in dec. will it be the same? From what i've figured, i think that there is a minute possibility of that happening. but there still is. How will it turn out.

When i was back for those 2 months, i seriously questioned whether i want to stay in aussie. The friends, the family. The culture that i've been so acustommed to. From what i've come to learn about myself is that i chose not to break out from the security circle even when the oppotunity presents itself, which is a bad thing. I need to find the motivation of which to do whatever is required for me to earn a shit load. Still, i have another year to figure out what i wanna do and if God allows and cheryl comes here, i need to figure out which is my next place to study... Have decided that masters is the way to go. but to which industry i have yet to decide.


So for guidance i pray,
that i'll be shown not just a way,
but the way,
of which i am to follow,
of which i should go,
for the rest of my years to earn my keep,
one which hopefully i wun lose too much sleep,
finding joy in the work i do,
and living a life i've so far forseen,
one which not only meets expectations.

Make sure to leave all the things which you wanna bring in a corner. Dedicate a small area, preferably 2d, this is due the to gravitational nature to things falling over. Leave / dump, whatever you will need in that corner. Be it bags, cds, books, paper. I've got a shit load.

A few days before, transfer these to the table or whatever. Leave nothing behind. Trash all the shit like the wrappers and all. Just have the items themselves. This is because those bastard huge ass airline companies, *cough* qantas *cough*, do not allow check in luggage of more than 20kg. And no they do not have a student plan. Those bastards. Hand carry is llimited to a weight of not more than 7kg. From what i have heard from koba, if they dun all you to bring stuff in, hand carry them in many duty free bags. This gives the impression that you have actually helped the economy, though not much coz duty free. But it gives the impression that you have spent on your trip here, there ot wherever. 2 duty free bags, look flumsy but they are actually rather sturdy. I know this coz i have had a few duty free bags.

You may ask, "packing days before hand ain't last minute dude". Well, once again, perspective my brother or sister. My family packs way way way before hand. Like weeks so its days are short to me. At the end of the day, do whatever makes you comfortable. It pays off. When i returned here, Shanyang checked in so fucking late that they boosted him to business class. Ironic isn't it.

I wish i could sing this to everyone. I think it applies to everyone. I mean everyone. In one way or another. So, this is to all.


Here's the day you hoped would never come
Don't feed me violence, just run with me
Through rows of speeding cars
The paper cuts, the cheating lovers
The coffee's never strong enough
I know you think it's more than just bad luck

There, there, baby
It's just text book stuff
It's in the ABC of growing up
Now, now, darlin'
Oh don't lose your head'
Cause none of us were angels
And you know I love you, yeah

Sleeping pills, no sleeping dogs lie never
Far enough away
Glistening in the cold sweat of guilt
I've watched you slowly winding down for years
You can't keep on like this
Now is as bad of time as any

There, there, baby
It's just text book stuff
It's in the ABC of growing up
Now, now, darlin'
Oh don't kill yourself'
Cause none of us were angels
And you know I love you, yeah

It's okay by me
It's okay by me
It's okay by me
It was a long time ago
It's okay by me
It's okay by me
It's okay by me
It was a long time ago

There, there, baby
It's just text book stuff
It's in the ABC of growing up
Now, now, darlin'
Oh don't lose your head'
Cause none of us were angels
And you know I love you, yeah
There, there, baby
It's just text book stuff
It's in the ABC of growing up
Now, now, darlin'
Oh, don't kill yourself'
Cause none of us were angels
And you know I love you, yeah

Its 345 am. I'm sitting at the house desktop pc which is in the living. I am scanning pictures for my mom.

The time draws near for the pseudo grand return. To the place of solace once more. People seldom think of solace as a bad thing but really, it can really make you go mad. Since i have returned, i have been reminded of how great it is to have friends around. Those that you can truely call friends. Those that will be there for you no matter what. And just when i have i have began to settle down, its once again time to leave. I am reminded of the cooking and washing and all which i will have to do. O those bills to pay. I wonder whether koba has already gotten the car. Its time to go crazy once more. I wonder if my mind will be able to take it.

Still, there is so much that i am supposed to do so hopefully i will get to that... but somehow i dun think that is going to happen. Java o java... i really hope that i can pick you up again else i am really damn screwed. So lets hope for the best. Dear Lord, please help me to do the rest.

I miss you planetshakers.

Awoke to dad's call... i was wondering what had happened and when he told me i was so fucking shocked.. the car's windscreen was shattered... the back one...seriously wtf right.. i also could not believe it. Summore i re parked the car to one of the good lots that was not under a tree after the manchester united match...

The first few thoughts were why the fuck does stuff like that happen? Did i piss off some fucker again? But i dun tink that it was my fault. The police have decided that its like killer litter so i dunno what to say. How bloody unfortunate.

To you who killer littered, may you be blessed with the most painful life of utter torment. From all the millions of tickets of lost 4d and toto, may you never every strike, not even consolation. and toto,not even close. From the cockscrew that was found too, may your liver swell beyond limits of happiness to unimaginable pain. All of this in a recycling bag means too that you dun give a shit about the environment so if i were you, i hope you stay out of the sun else you get skin cancer. But God says forgive your enemies so to me, you are forgiven. But what is already said, sometimes cannot be taken back. :)

Sim lim was a bitch too.. i wanted to beat some fella who cursed at my dad but i dun think i wanted to show my dad the bad side so i repressed it and man was it killing me... seriously.... wahhhhh....

but at least i have my super ram now ( i think that its making my computer so hot.... as in literally temperature hot man). and a new Hdd... my dad is taking the old one. I nv really thought this way but i think that my dad sometimes spoils me when i want the techie stuff... sometimes.... O well. I love him too. Thank you God for such a good dad. :)

To all of you guys i din see yet, a belated merry christmas and a happy new year.

i wonder whats with all the happiness and all that. Does the fact remain that seasons are ment to be jolly? Beats me. I have no idea. I'm beginning to feel so comfortable here. Though my beds a little small and the weather is quite hot but i dun really feel it coz i am mostly staying indoors. WTF rite. I have hardly gone out for a long time. Its like the austrlian life of solitude which i forced myself into. I can feel my body dying. It is said that excessive sleep causes more harm on your body den lack of sleep. I am wondering whether i wanna test that theory. o well.

I have been researching on things that i wanna buy. Or at least hope to. Technology is such a bitch sometimes. If anyone has lobang in sim lim or funan please let me know real quick coz i might just finally get my lazy ass up and go out. My want list is as follows:
1) 2 x 1GB PC5300 ddr2 667mhz SO-DIMM (would like to trade in my current ram)
2) 500GB 3.5" Seagate internal Harddisk 7200RPM 16mb cache SATA2
3) Vantec 3.5" Nexstar 3 Aluminum USB 2.0/Firewire 1394 External IDE Hard Drive Mobile Storage Enclosure Case with Stand: NST-360UF
4) 100 TDK DVDRs (+/- doesn matter)
5) Bluetooth Speaker (still researching)
6) Retractable Earphones (still researching)

Thing is that i dun even have money to buy these things!!!! ARGH... fucking hate it.....

In the previous 2 stints of consciousness which was about 40 hours, the bleaching proceeded to episode 57. Damn i am an addict. Freking couch potato. I have to haul my lazy ass up. But den again, maybe i'll go it tmr.