DUN WORRY THIS AIN'T SOME SUPER ARMY ENTRY

I started OCS with a sense of sadness. In BMT, i gave almost my best to get there. That was where i wanted to go. To me, it was the place where the best of the best went but when i looked around when i was physically there, it hurt. It made me not really wanna perform. Not really wanna be there. It make me wonder why i bothered to try to hard in the first place. The ocs song's chorus goes like this:

we come from ocs
we are the very best
leading with dignity and pride
wherever we go
we will always show
our spirit lives forever more

I've learn that no spirit need to be broken. Mine broke. It was wayang land. I cant stand it. In my head i gave up when i could not set a goal. But in the one month there, I got to know this group. We are kinda like the band of brothers, mainly because there are 7 of us so.. haha.

Victor(donkey)
He laughs like one so...

Pius(Mojojojo aka malaysian)
we all think he looks like a monkey so mojojojo came into play.. plus the aka coz he is one... no offence intended

Zhiwei(Sleeping Beauty)
He can sleep anywhere anytime. If there was a job of professional sleeper, its him.. Without getting caught too..

Aaron(Gayboy)
Victor thinks he is gay.... and he is my darling so... haha

Jeremy(Sampan)
As lame as it was, he was going to the navy so sampan it was.

Nicholas(Pt Nick)
Physical Training ic therefore PT nick!

and me. That makes 7.

This week, i was informed that i will be going to the navy and PT Nick to the air force. Sampan and Gayboy signed on to the navy already. The group was broken in 3. Though nick and i had our reasons to go, the hardest part about it is we have to leave them.

Really, without them, i'd probably feel left out. We joked, laughed, ate, laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed... you get the idea. We all encouraged each other to persevere. There is so much i could write about that here but i have to go soon. Without you guys, i might not have even made it through the first month.

Victor texted me this yesterday
"my brothers in arms, no matter what, we'll reunite again at the parade squareon our commission day. Just remember, no matter how tough training is, we'll pull through. I thank god for letting us meet in our passage of life. We'll be each other's pillars of strength, filled with determination to achieve success. Thanks for the memories. Its something i'll treasure dearly for the rest of my life. TANGO!"

I share much of the same testiment as you my friend.

Sometimes, I get tired of this me first attitude
You are the one thing,
that keeps me smiling
That's why I'm always wishing hard for you
Cos your life shines so bright
I don't feel no solitude
You are my first, star at night
I'd be lost in space without you

And I'll never lose my faith in you
How will I ever get to heaven, if I do

Feels, just so fine
When we touch the sky me and you
This is my idea of heaven
Why can't it always be so good
But it's alright, I know your out there
Doing what you've gotta do
You are my soul satellite
I'd be lost in space without you

And I'll never lose my faith in you
How will I ever get to heaven, if I do

I'll never lose my faith in you
I'll never lose my faith in you

I dedicate that to you all.

I'll send you guys the part to fit in here.

-----abrupt ending-----

Sigh. My computer is giving me problems. Last week my backup drive went kapuut and now my c drive is down... Will have to format the whole computer. Its really making me really frustrated. I have so much on my head already. dammit. Going to have to be spending a long time formatting this and i dun have the cd. But whats the pt. My cd rom drive is undetected my the comp so whats the use? !@#$!@#$!@#$!@#@$!@#$!@#$!@#$

hmm.. i wonder how many people are actually left reading my site. maybe i should put in a counter. will see if i have the time later. Btw, i have another 'blog' page thats catered to my ocs life. If there is nothing here you'll probably find it there. Have no time to do up the linking and all so i'll just dump it here (its so so so so not finished.. no time to add in the entries.. but it'll be up soon k.. within the next couple of weeks i promise.)

I spent yesterday with someone special from the past. It brought back much memories and much more. I dun regret meeting up yet i do. My head was seriously messed up after that. Very to the power of log dunno what. Deep down, i guess that the hope has not died just yet. It lingers on a very fine string. Jessica i have so much to say to you but the time is not yet right.

Had a chat with Anand and Stephen bout it(2 of my friends whom i treasure dearly). They helped me to reassure myself on what i should be doing. When your mind is in a mess, its hard to have total complete analytical perception as your own views are always swayed. I was reminded to focus on what i want and my current point of life. To once again take things one step at a time. To fix up the pieces of me. To settle down to my current life. To decide what i want. To take time to do so. To do what i wanna do. One step at a time. Not concurrently with too many things to take.

Thanks guys.

Not much time left coz i gotta pack my stuff so i'll leave you with this:



I wish I knew how it would feel to be free
I wish I could break all the chains holding me
I wish I could say all the things that I should say
Say 'em loud, say 'em clear
For the whole wide world to hear

I wish I could share all the love that's in my heart
Remove all the bars that keep us apart
And I wish you could know how it feels to be me
Then you'd see and agree
That every man should be free

I wish I could be like a bird in the sky
How sweet it would be if I found I could fly
Well I'd soar to the sun and look down at the sea
And I'd sing 'cos I'd know how it feels to be free

I wish I knew how it would feel to be free
I wish I could break all the chains holding me
And I wish I could say all the things that I wanna say
Say 'em loud, say 'em clear
For the whole wide world to hear
Say 'em loud, say 'em clear
For the whole wide world to hear
Say 'em loud, say 'em clear
For the wholeWide world to hear

One love
One blood
One life
You got to do what you should
One lifeWith each other
SistersBrothers
One life
But we're not the same
We get to carry each other
Carry each other
I wish I knew how it would feel to be free
I wish I knew how it would feel to be free

o yes i should be out almost every weekend from now onwards so yeah!!!

am back from safti!

i dunno. so many things have happened since den but its rather screwed up here at home.. comp is down... all my info is all FUCKING gone. am damn pissed.. i'm preparing to go out and there is so much to be done.

all i have to say for now is:

It's the hardest thing
I'll ever have to do
To look you in the eye
And tell you i don't love you
It's the hardest thing
I'll ever have to lie
To show no emotion
When you start to cry
I can't let you see
What you mean to me
When my hands are tied
And my hearts not free
We're not meant to be
It's the hardest thing
I'll ever have to do
To turn around and walk away
Pretending i don't love you

its finally reached the 4th and its time to go. I've pack my stuff but hope that i have not forgotten anything. There is so so much to bring... its dreadful.

Hope that i dun end up in alpha company. Heard that its just crazy... crazy... crazy... pray for me... see you all soon

The last day before i go in for another 3 weeks... haiya.... somehow it saddens me... having been out for a lill more den a week, i've realised that free time is really valuable but just like everything else, in moderate amounts. Yet i want to have too much free time so that i can bum around. Strangely, i missed army on the first few days out... WTF rite????? just when you are inside for such a long period of time, i've begun to rely on its system. Everything is basically planned out for you. Lyk for when you wake up? Its a certain time each day. After that is the morning exercise. Den the different trainings for the day. No wonder when some people come out from army they cant just fit back into society. They probably have to go through the 'de-regimentation' which i must add must be much harder den regimentation they once went through.

Liz for the first time in months called just when i was about to sleep..(about 4 in the morn). Glad to hear that she's fine and all and hopefully her life will take a turn for which she has dreamt about for all these many years. I remember the times when we all, vin, liz and me used to hang out lots. Sad to say but after that we all went on different roads. Till many years later. I missed those times babe.

Wimbledon is a nice nice show... Rather predictable but its touches the heart...... And yes i have a heart you bastards...... Its a show bout tennis and a movie is never complete without love. To sidetrack, i guess neither is a person. Shan't spoil it fer you people so go watch it. Its short but still, i think its worth the cash.

Sometimes i dun get myself. When i'm attached, i wanna be single. When i'm single, i feel lyk getting attached.... FUCKED UP....... well, decided to stick with single but till She comes along. She? you may ask? i dunno who that is. When the time comes, i guess things will work out. In whatever way its supposed to be.


Where you are seems to be as far as an eternity
Outstretched arms, open hearts,
If it never ends, then when do we start?

I'll never leave you behind,
Or treat you unkind
I know you understand
And with a tear in my eye
Give me the sweetest goodbye
That I ever did recieve

Pushing forward and arching back
Bring me closer to heart attack
Say goodbye and just fly away
When you come back,
I have some things to say

How does it feel to know you'll never have to be alone
When you get home?
There must be someplace here that only you and I could go
So I can show you how I..

Dream away everyday
Try so hard to disregard
The rhythm of the rain that drops
And coincides with the beating of my heart

I'll never leave you behind,
Or treat you unkind
I know you understand
And with a tear in my eye
Give me the sweetest goodbye
That I ever ever ever did recieve

How does it feel to know you'll never have to be alone
When you get home?
There must be someplace here that only you and I could go
So I can show you how I feel

How does it feel to know you'll never have to be alone
When you get home?
There must be someplace here that only you and I could go
So I can show you how I feel.. feel.. feel.. feel


i really wish i could but i guess it'd only be in my dreams.

NRIC:

S8425803B

Name:

ANDRE CHEAH RUIQIAN

Comd SAF BMTC congratulates you for your successful completion of the BMT.
Your Posting Order is listed below:
1.	You are posted to	SAFTI MI.
2.	Your vocation is	OFFICER CADET (CBT).
3.	Your are to report to:	SAFTI Military Institute, Warrior's Hall.
	Reporting Date/Time:	04/10/2004 at 0700 to 0800 hrs.
	Person to report to:	AMPO
	Contact Number:	67997200/342/654
	You are required to report in smart no.4 uniform (PES E recruits to be in No 3 uniform), except for those assigned to Police Force.

speaks volumes more than i could say