Went to ikea just now to look at potential furniture. Not too bad but everything now seems expensive to me. Maybe coz i dun have my own money yet. I have not achieved my objective today for finishing the reading but will do so later... going to take a crap and watch an episode of JOEY, btw its not that funny, Sigh.

Damn man. I should have just woken Koba up at 8 when i got up. I have to say to some extent i was really really looking forward to going to rock climb and by thati mean the rock wall kind.... or at least i think so coz i have not been there yet. The downside of it is that its in the morning so i dun think that i will be able to go always coz once i get the new place and settle down i'll be going to church. Not decided which one yet and how though coz its so far away. Anyway, after i woke up, i got a glass of water den thought to just lie a while coz he was supposed to wake me up. Sigh. O well. To some extent i think that it'll be my only source of exercise here. For a while. Till i find more to do.

We had a look at a potential new place yesterday. It was nice though. A little smaller but it was sweet. Will be making the decision on a monday morning after we get a look at another place with more facilities but smaller in size. What should i choose. I have no idea. The thought of having a pool is cool but the weather now just kills the thought.

OK i'm off to reading. So much of it. Not sure how to finish. When koba wakes up i'll find out if it was cancelled or we overslept. Sigh.

I just got up. It feel skinda refreshing but i still woke up every once in a while due to noisebut i think that wont be a problem when we shift. Koba's housemate is shifting out soon so i have to cover rent. Sigh. The money matters come in again.

Finally got down to telling my parents that i'll be moving and they're reactions were much different from what i imagined. They were rather supportive and ask me to just buy whatever is needed and all. I was truely shoked. But den again i still dun wanna use their money so i'm still pondering a way to find that. Maybe working but to do well with a workload might be so so different. I have to think carefully.

Ok.. woke up so late i might have wasted too much time. To the books! which actually means to the computer coz everything that can do is all on it. Sigh... O my eyes.... Must remember constant breaks.... Must remember constant breaks...

At times we wonder,
At times we cant just help but think,
no matter ones intention,
the worst is what they portray it'd be
and when i go to sleep,
i pray God will hold it all together,
unspoken thoughts,
unsaid words,
tormenting,
searing,
it feels,
as it begins to fade to grey,
slowly,
slowly,
till the eyes finally take over,
uncomforted sleep.
In dreams,
the mind, never met objectives,
the heart, pain for the distance apart,
the body, tired as hell,
the spirit, depleting slowly.

Many choose to come to study here not really knowing the culture and the way that things work here in australian universities. I for one am one of them. Looking back now having finished national service, i have to say that there are 2 things which are similar to it.

1) You cannot expect the system to work for you. You have to work for the system. When you require something, you have to faster get it done yourself coz no one here really gives a shit what happens to you. Your future, your endeavours are for you yourself to control if you chose to undertake the 'forbidden task' of getting all the troublesome things finished yourself. which i must add i gave up on after having to run all over the place and people kept directing me in circles.

2) Take your normal average working speed, which i must add includes the way you walk and divide it by at least 2 and thats the result of the way things move here. Every fucking thing is slow. You have to make a conscious effort to slow down your pace of life here.

Having advance standings here actually really toughen up the process on things as they screw up your timetables and stuff. There is much that one should look back and regret but than again, i live by a motto to nv look back because the past can only be the past. It can never be your present of future.

Enterprise systems is a bitch. There is so much to learn but at the end of the day, i cant complain much coz studies at different levels should not be compared. I'm stil trying hard to cope with the different systems as everything is all over the place and you have to search for the datayourself which includes whether locations of classes are changes and what to bring or whatever. Am still adjusting and my only condolence is that God will take care of it all. It will work out.

I hold on to the verse "Do not be anxious about anything but in everything by prayer and petition present your requests to God and the peace of God which surpasses all understnading will guard your heart and mind in christ jesus" Philippians 4:6,7

I guess with so much work, i wont be able to talk to cheryl as much as i pray our bond will never fade away. I wish everyday that she was here. I miss the rest of the others like anand, stephen, peter, weiliang, wy, qh, liz, ben, vin, janna, juli, ling, etc... so many others whom were a part of my life but are not on the road i have chosen in search for a better future. Drop me a message on msn or whatver ya. Email, skype? i'd be happy to hear from you guys. I have to admit at times, its so hectic that i do get lonely here.

ok. Its back to the lab assignments which i wanna complete today. somehow i dun think that my objective is very good as i have already missed some points and there is just too much to do. Sigh.

Today has been an ok day. Went to the shopping district, high end one, saw like 3 ferraris and an aston. Koba is going on and on about that being his dream car and all. All seems well and am happy that God is with me this entire way. Working in all circumstances. Thank you lord.

Cheryl is sick again and she stayed home today. Managed to get a reasonable talk with her and am ok. Just she is sick. Fever again. Real worried. Am not sure how to help. Got her to boil the antelopes horn to lower the temp. Just read her message that she is having high fever of up till 39 and my heart is racing. Think that i should tell her mom that if it every reaches 39, she should just get a really cold shower to ease the temperature to make it cooler. Dear lord, i once again commit cheryl into your hands, may your healing hand be with her, cast out all evil sickness from her and protect her from all viruses. You are the lord almighty and we pray all these knowing that you will cover her in your name. Amen.

I just wish i could fucking settle down soon. Den every fuck thing can fall into place. No matter how hard i try to, its just not possible. I have no doubt that there is something to take from these experiences coz God lets them happen for a reason. Why do they happen? Can both worlds just exist coherantly?I guess that double happiness is really hard to get. I guess only i'll truely understnd what everything means in this post.

I guess my joy card is of no use coz the only thing when i call is unhappiness so i guess i might just trash it. Its so fucking ironic. Wait... its not mine. I'll just give it back to koba.

I'm going to cook for the first time since i got here. No what i planned but neither has any fucking day here. Instant noodles it is. Not much choice is there. But first, i've gotta wash the fucking utensils.

I was called emotional baggage the other day. Now that i think about it, i dunno what to say. I never thought of it that way. I did reply even before i was told to but i doubt it'll be believed. I cant call back now. Too much mixture. Anger, Pain, Disappointment, Hunger. I gotta let it out.

Just for the jist of today. I din do jack shit. It was a wasted day.

No matter whatever fucked up feeling this is and no matter how far i try to run, i still miss you so bad. But i guess calling dun solve anything. At least not at this point of time. I hope i'll settle down soon.

Guess that being nice to everyone just aint working. If thats the case, i'll jsut be ruthless, i no longer give a fuck about what people think here. I'll treat whoever deserves to be treated the way they should be coz its not moving fast enough to get settled.

Anger and Pain, be my energy.

Last in i was just here and learning lots about aussie. Its ok. Totally different kinda culture really. My most worries still lie with cheryl though. Anyway, the last couple of days has been so hectic. I have been at school most of the time and trying hard to get everything done. I fought hard for my timetable to be a 4 day week and thank God that i got it. Else, i dunno what i;d do. Whatever the case, its now 4 days and i am thankful.

Cheryl's been mia yesterday and i'm real worried. I dun think that she might be taking this all that well and i dun think that i am either. Through most of the things i do, i miss her and wish she was here to be with me throughout this process. Really hope that she can come soon. Am thinking of asking my parents to change when i return to Singapore from june next year till dec this year so i can spend more time with her and tell her about this. I miss her so much i decided to stay home and try to catch her online today. Lets just hope that no one comes home to disturb me but in any case i'll just go into koba's room. :(

Where have you gone? what have you been up to? Its just been a couple of days and i already cant take it. Do you believe me? I knwo that in your own way to deal with it, you shut me out and i have to get that coz i want whats best for you but dun shut me out for too long ok. I hope to see your smiling face tonight on skype. Love ya.

While waiting for cheryl to get online, decided to blog

Koba was too tired to walk me for school in the morning so i took a walk myself. Managed to get to school on myself. I am proud. Met with jeremy, gen , matthew, brandon, celeste, dominic. We all went to the orientaion center together from the tram stop. Anyway, i walked all the way and i was thinking whether i could save the money all the way when i'm here as the tram is 250-320 a ride. No shit. Price rite?

School has so many things to do. Have not managed to enrol yet as i need a couple of forms from the faculty which i can only get tmr after the interview. Its a little more draggy den expected and its kinda stressing me out. I miss those times when its just all laid out for you. But i guess, nothing comes free and neither does for credits. Will be reseaching on the modules to take for this term. Have to choose another 2 i think.

Koba and the rest went out for drinks already but i decided to stay home so that i can get stuff done for school first. Its really stressing me out. I just wanna enrol first, make sure i'm in and get my subjects den i'll be more at ease.

I gotta go and take another crap. Stomachs not been too well. I'll go shower at the same time. Its damn cold. Thankfully there is a heater.

ok.. later.

I'm starting to feel the toll that this will take on us. I am now rethinking my decision of not coming back every holiday. I cant stand having you not feel ok. I cant take you being sad. I really cant. Every step up the way, i am constanstly thinking of ya.

Just managed to call you. Talked on the phone. I have gotten my documents all done up. packed for school. I think. Yeah. Managed to unpack some stuff as koba just let me put some stuff on his table so yeah. Will be in school at 9 to start registering and stuff. Hope that all goes well.

Anyway, the internet is up again and there should not be a problem. At least i hope there will not be a problem. We'll get to skpye soon!!!!

Ok i have to sleep now. Hope you are already sleeping. Sleep tight! kiss.

my flight is shortly coming to an end. So far the experience has been as such. Rushed into the scanner thingy at the gate and forgot to that my camera out coz it was on my belt. Got pulled out. O well. It was sort of a scare. SQ is way cool. Did you know that they have internet access????? but den again you have to pay dunno how much. Not sure how much i can type before they ask me to turn it off so i'll be quick. I spent much of the flight getting my rest. No movies for me strangely. Also because i had a faulty headset.

Finally here at koba's place now. Its a damn nice place i guess that whats service apartments like. The doors dun have locks though. Weird but i guess that i'll get used to it. Melbourne is cold. I wish that cheryl was here to experience with me. I think that she would have liked it here. Maybe we'll move here next time.

Koba's friend picked us up in a car. Real nice person. At least so far. The town is like rather dead. Maybe its coz its so early in the morning. Koba is complaining... The shops are closed. Most of the things are not open.

Currently reformatting his comp. Will be back soon.

Just got home from taking my pink IC. Its been a while since i last saw it which was during my disruption from the BMT period. Once again, i have nothing that binds me just the normal law. To some extent, i feel strange. There is no longer this feeling of having to be responsible for so many things but i have to admit the i did love my job, the responsibility and all the guys i worked with. Too bad the navy pays so little. Guess that when its time to move, its just time. One should not look too hard on the past. Its a new chapter of my life, the part which will determine much of what the future will hold for me and my family.

Got 10 cartons of assorted drinks for my guys at work and now that i look at it, knowing them, it wont last for more den a week. i can only hope that they will remember me for longer. It was the first of the goodbyes which i have had to give and to some extent, it did hurt. I cant imagine the pain that i will feel tmr when cheryl is standing there and i have to say bye. They even got me a watch and i am seriously touched. Everytime i wear it, i will remember those times. Santhosh had better take good care of them else i am going to kick his ass.

Left about lunch time after saying my last goodbyes. Left them letters on the table. Hope that they all get it. Upon driving home, i pondered what tmr will be like. Sigh. Some of my guys told me that tmr dun cry and as much as i would like to put up a strong front, i might just be overwhelmed. It'll be the longest away from everything. Just like army and navy but those where only for a while and most weekends, i could return to my place of rest. I hope that i will be able to adapt. Should not be a problem.

To the guys at 185 FB, good luck and all the best. I will always remember those times we shared. I wish you all the best in your endeavours ahead. Take care.

I'm going to be flying off on the 15 july. Yeah think that thats a saturday. Flights at 2045 but i most probably will go in earlier so i can board the plane faster or something like that. Its my first time on SQ. 227 if you must know. Wonder whats that going to be like

Gotten my aussie no. +61424234352. You guys should know my old one. Have not changed it yet. dun think that i ever will. Should be using these in the respective countries for a long long time.

Anyway, i'll be updating here almost everyday so do check in.

I dunno how i am going to face cheryl. I'm going to be devestated. But i cannot show it coz it just makes everything so much harder. Sigh. what to do what to do.