I just watched a really shitty show called "friends with money". It was kinda depressing and everything. I really wonder why it was rated well on filmcritics.com.

I stood staring blankly in the balcony. Trying hard to see what was happening around and what makes the world go round. Is it money? Many people say that it is and there have been endless theories. Upon much thinking, i think my theory would be finding that happiness. Many find solace in money which can buy material things of which make them happy. I'm not sure if i am one of them but i do know that the ability of endless spending is tempting. There is so much that one can do.

What drives me then? who am i? where am i?

Currently, my life is in a 3000 dollar laptop. Most of my time is spent on it. To entertain my boredom. To get work done. The downloading of shows to watch. Where does it stop? I found myself slogging over every meticulous detail on a group project which i think that i can do well in and i wonder.. what the fuck is going on. What is it that i truely like. Could this be because cheryl's just not here?

It could be. There is really no one that i have here that i can really call a true friend that i can pour out my heart to. I miss my friends back home. I believe that to some extent, they were controlling my insanity. Am i going mad?

I dunno what else to say. The solace i cannot find. Am i just plain lazy? My fucking objective here is to do well. Not waste my parents hard earned money. To make them proud. Get the degree. Maybe study even harder to get a postgrad one and enter the working world to earn my keep. Start a family and all.

Where does this cycle end?

Lord, i am running out of juice. I see no joy. I feel no joy. I feel torn apart. I have been trying fucking hard to hold myself together but i am getting the feeling that i am breaking up.

I feel lost. i dunno what to do.

Website has been revamped again.

Was wondering what theme to be on and the back 2 basics came. So here it is.
Spent countless hours on it. And thanks again howie for renewing my domain. Its been a real help.

Profile talks about me
Blog is this one
Negetives contain my pictures
Reviews contains my tagboard
Animation consists of the shows i've watched
Links are the other bloggers

This week has been really wasted. I have not managed to get much work done while the rest of the group seems to have done. Damn i feel like shit. I just cant seem to settle down to study. Damn it what is wrong with me.

Sigh. Dinner time. Another wasted day. School is reopening soon. ARRRRRRR

The great barrier reef was wow.

Brandon called me at 625. I was supposed to wake at like 6.. haha... anyway, rushed and we made it. It was a long drive but matthew imposed it upon himself to drive all the way. Guess since its his friends car, that was the right way to go.

Was trying to read cheryls website but i think that there is a problem with the server. Totally cannot see mine also. Think howie din help me renew my domain. I hope that i dun lose it. It'll be so sad if i dun get that back.

The reefs were magnificent. The sand was beautiful. The rain was not. It kinda kept chasing us. O well. Wish that cheryl was here to see it. I bet that she would have loved it.

break so far has been great. I miss cheryl so much though. There are times when i feel there is really nothing here for me and even in Singapore without her sometimes just makes me wonder what is the point.

Talked to WY today and i get the feeling that in the end there is going to be no one else coming here. Xept Chris but he will be going to monash. O well. Break is great but i get the feeling that there is so much work to be done and seriously i haven done jack shit. I just cannot find the motivation. Where has it all gone? i have set goals for wha ti wanna accomplish during this period of time and i really do hope thati will be able to meet those goals. Its a long list.

Time flies. Time flies and i think that soon before i know it, i'll be back in Singapore. But first i have to cross the barriers which are the finals which i predict to be a major pain.

Did my op project today and as usual i dun think that it was as productive as it could be. O well. Group work is like that i guess.

I apologise for not blogging for so long. Assignments have been a chore and finally its all over. i have 4 subjects this term and in the 2 weeks i had assignments for all 4. You may be wondering why i care.. thats because they all carry a high weight percentage in the overall mark. Really, mel uni can really suck you dry sometimes.

I pray the Lord will take care of that since i have already finished my part.

Anyway, today began at like 3 am when i woke up as matt was picking me up to go get the cars we rented from the airport. You may be wondering why all the way there??? The answer is cost... we only needed it for a day and the airport was the only one that could provide that and also we had to send celeste to the airport to catch her crazy early in the morning flight.

So matt, joel and i were at the airport at like 445am... which i still think is just not right. And we got the cars. They were 2 camrys. I have to say that a camry is a really nice smooth ride with an ok amount of power... So, anyway, it was my first time driving an auto car believe it or not. haha... seriously.. it was..

Rushed from the airport back to ICT building were we were supposed to rally with the rest and Anis did not show. Till now, i have received no word and am wondering whether he had any intention to come at all.

Lead car we were and off we went on the beginning of the road trip. It was a total of 6 cars and damn was it hard to keep in a line. It was hectic at first, having to stop and wait for those caught in the traffic lights, the slow ones and all. but in the end, we figured it out and yeah. I took turns to drive with matt on the way up and man was the scenery good. I wish i had taken photos and i will be bringing my camera around once koba returns it.

The drive was about 2.5-3 hours. It was nice. I was kinda tired but it looked so nice and we were all talking and all was good. Reached the paintball place after looking around a little and it was in a dirt gravel road thing(will explain importance later).

Paintball is a great game. You pay as hell and you get to hurt your friends and they really cant say anything against you coz all is fair in love, war and paintball. It was like AU$22 for a 100 pellet and its mad... I bought 200 at first and later on spent on another 150... sigh.... So expensive.

Overall, it was great fun. If i was not on a budget i would not have scrimmed and saved on them. I have to say thati was pretty good. I had like 20 kills and about 5 deaths. Seeing the anguish on your friends faces is wow! Anyway, i hit brandon, gen, ben, matt, weihong. Those were 5 of my most liked kills.

My first death took me really hard. And yes it has left a lasting impression on my back. It is actually quite bad. To those whom have not played paintball, it hurts like !@#$. Get shot and you will know. Am begining to wonder whether i wanna let cheryl play coz when the girls in the group got hit, they were like really down and the pain was killing them. Not too sure if they enjoyed it. I think i will be her human sheild if we ever go play it. Dun want her getting awful marks on her body. Anyway, that shot that hit me in the back was definitely from close range coz the bruise proves it and it shocked my entire left side of my body when i was hit. If i knew who it was, i would hunt them down. Will try to see if i can get pictures to show you what i mean.

Some continued in the afternoon after the provided lunch but i was not one of them as i am on a budget and i wanted to respect that.

So.. that was paintball... but the day did not end here. We rallied the cars, now only 5 coz one left earlier and headed for the road home. The dirt gravel road rem? Well, i was in the 2nd car. The 1st car went off fine and so did the second. but the third could not see the break lights of the 2nd and hit the breaks and the 4th car couldn see the 3rd'sbreak lights either and neither did the fifth. 3rd car though hitting the breaks went skidding and so did the rest of them. The 4th hit the 3rd car but it was only slightly but the 5th car took out the corner and the exhaust part even though trying to swing out of the way. the last car took the greatest damaged. Its front was crushed in but amazingly the engine could still start. After contact, it skidded to a stop on the highway but to God be the glory there were no cars there at the time and he managed to reverse back. We were there for about 2 hours figuring out what to do and calling here and there and finally, we sent 3 of the 5th cars people to take a bus and the other 2 remained behind for the tow truck. I really pity them. The main thing i did not say is that they did not purchase insurance. Its going to cost them about 4k for the damaged at least.

Anyway, another car left. To me, there was no good reason for that but i am not their father so they left and we were left with 2 good cars, movable one and another to be towed one. This was tragic and we decided to head back with the 'injured' car in the center so that the other 2 could protect it.

To cut the long story short, we took a damn long time to get home but here i am. We estimated to be home by 7 but its now 2am the next day. Crazy dun you think.

At the end of the day before i go to bed, i thank God for taking care of each individual out in our group today. We have all learnt a valuable lesson about dirt roads and insurance which all influence the entire group, or at least so i hope. Thank you Lord for keeping us all safe. I pray you be with paul and that other guy whom i cant rem his name, that they will be back safe and sound tmr. Thank you for finding the towers in time and granting us journey mercy as the rest of us proceeded back to mel city. In your precious name. Amen.

Its back to the one day a year that someone is allowed to do whatever they want. Managed to talk to cheryl at midnight. Den got back to some work which i expected to take an hour but only slept at 5am. Seriously. Woke up late at about 1300 and went to immigration and posy office to collect stuff. It felt as if i had used the day wisely.

Dinner was with koba, stacey and sio. It was nice. Stacey was so nice and got me a cake and a $30 calling card to call home. It was so nice. Had better find out when her birthday is. I think that from now on i will remember peoples birthdays coz when people remember mine, it does mean someting.

Cant wait for cheryl to get home so we can talk for a while. And open her present!!!!

Din do any work but i dun feel stressed at all even though its at the back of my head. will have to get it done else 20% of my mark is going down the drain.

Its at times like these where i seriously wonder whether we will make it through in life. I fell sick again but to overworking i think. There is so much that i wish that i could do. But all my hopes and dreams are with cheryl in Singapore and she is really having a hard hard time. I wish i could be there to support her. I dunno what to do. To see her so stressed out really kills me. I pray that the lord will be by her side always. I shall try calling her again in a bit once i finish this.

That day draws nearer and i was reminded when a package from my parents, cheryl and my sis came. I was seriously so touched. It seems like no one here gives a half shit and i really think that i am dying inside. My spirit is beginning to shrivel up. And its not topping up so i wonder how much i have left. Maybe its God's way to making me look to him. and that is what i really really want too. but its so hard.

I miss my friends so much back home.

If i had a wish and only 1, i'd wish she'll be happier and not stressed and those pple at her workplace would just bugger off.

Church was good yet again. This time it was a pastor from the states. He was cool. It felt like i was in a black church for a while. Haha.

Works been a pain. Its been piling up and i somewhat feel that i am lagging behind. There is so much to do. Have a major presentation on thurs and am still preping for it now. Plus another essay which i did badly for the last time and practicals which i fear that i might not do correctly. Its worrying.

At least i know that God, cheryl and my family are behind me. But its kinda sccary too coz there is pressure.

I wish i could talk for a long long time with cheryl everyday but i feel the stress. Maybe thats y i have not stopped having breakouts. Could be stressed induced and knowing me, i am stressed all the time.

Back to the work. Sigh.

The past coupla weeks has been really something. Have not been able to blog coz the telephone line had to be reconnected at my new place and the internet and account transferred.

New place has shit loads of cockroaches. Its real sick. Its just irritating. Thankfully, the pest controllers are coming and i have to check with koba whether thats free. It better be coz i got my furniture too

All my furniture is from ikea coz its the best place to go when you wanna get everything. Sigh. O well. I like it. Bought a printer today and i'm so glad coz its been a pain when i need the colour printing.

I ahve to admit that it gets lonely here. Thankfully i have the shows that i downloaded when i was in singapore to keep me with something to do. Spent the whole day like running errands and stuff. Got the last missing pieces from my shelf from ikea. Bought a printer, fixed the shelf. Organised a little. Glad i did that coz now i have walking space.

I wonder how everyone in singapore is doing. It was Geeks birthday today and i din msg... dun think that he will mind though... As my birthday draws near, i think of all the things that i wanted to do and realised that my hands are all tied. I miss cheryl bad and have to constantly remind myself that she's ok. Glad that she has taken into my group of friends back in singapore so at least she can hang out.

Now that i mention it, i haven really heard from those back home and to some extent i begin to wonder whether when i was there that my life actually ment something to people. But to conclude, i am not so sure.

School has been ok and since my furniture is here, i have to keep my promise of going to study like crazy... thats on top of the assignments and all. The next few weeks ahve crazy assignments. There is so much to do but i know that God keeps me strong and i pray that cheryl is covered in his protection.

I feel like the only thing keeping me going are my goals to study and while that can be good... o ya... there is the worry i will disappoint my loved ones. Esp cheryl. I just hope that i can do really well. Tmr, saturday, study. O and buy koba;s birthday present. Sigh. Money is seriously a pain.