Have you ever had to question your foundations? The very basis of which you live. Your happiness? What the fuck that you are doing here. Where did i go wrong?

There are so many decisions to make in life and every one takes a different turn. Did i fuck it up bad by choosing to come here? What have i done? Was i ment to study in singapore? If not why the fuck do i feel so shitty here? There is no where to turn to hide. The only place is in the room of which everything i have dwells. I cant concentrate at all. I wanna just give up but my personality is not like that. i Keep at it. I keep on fighting.

Its just one of those choices where there is no turning back. Damage to the future will be inevitable.

I can only pray that you can hear me. You can hear my pain. My call. For you are the only one that has been with me through each and every step of the way. Even when i hated you and never could understand. In time you came back. I believe you were always there just i could not see. And that is all i have. Faith that no matter what that you are there. But y? can you tell me? how do i go on? if you could just show me. Please i ask. For i see no meaning. I wanna hear your voice but i hear nothing. Its only in prayer and in church that i feel a certain presence. I want more. Why? am i not seeking hard enough?

I cant seem to do anything now and the datelines are here. I guess i will not get to rest again. Hopefully the nap will be beneficial. Please. Show me. Please guide me. I have nothing left. I am running dry.

And now my happiness is in question. The foundation on which it is built is in doubt. Could it be an anger fit? i am not sure. If i have ever been really sure about one decision, it will be that. but its not my call alone. I have just a part to play and i am trying to play it from so fucking far away. How am i suppose to feel better even if its ok wheni get back? there is another hurdle after that. one which is twice as long and even after that again.

Help me. Please