i've come to realize certain things over the past couple a months. Things about myself and my perception and expectations of myself. I guess that maybe i am not as open minded in many was as i wanna be. I place hope in others and not myself to prove most of the theories i have. I feel bad but sometimes its better just left there unsaid.. I am rather lost myself. My direction just blends in with the navy. No choice. its the only way i make it through. I dun have another choice. I cant wait for the time where i can be a civilian again. Such freedom. To taste that once again. But most of all, i guess that what hurts the most is that most of my friends hardly even message me anymore. The price to pay while serving the nation.

-going to book in already- i think i'll go pray.