Afflicted but not Crushed; Perplexed but not Despaired; Persucuted but not Forsaken; Struckdown but not Destroyed
I begin the year continue to believe that the jobs elude me for a purpose. My burden feels heavy, my heart not at ease. My sighs are deep and my mind at war. I look around and see peers just trying for a short time and getting it easy. I cannot comprehend. Pride seems to overwhelm for a slight moment and I ask myself whether I am truly more skilled then them. Could this just be a lesson on taming pride? How is it that in the midst of all these I manage to find a lesson in such? To be honest I feel so tormented and there are times when I just wanna give up. My hopes and dreams for what I envisioned in 2009 just do not seem like they will materialise.
I am reminded not to despise small beginnings for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin (Zech 4:10). Lord I ask for more of your strength. I find it so hard. I am not even sure if I can take it. O but God, if this is your will, I will walk it and I will continue to try to rejoice in it. I cling to your promises of a future and a hope. I remember my prayers on enlarging my capacity, stretching me for more of your purpose and I feel like an engine undergoing an oil change. Just that I have yet to be topped off with new oil. My reservoirs are again running dry but it seems that always at the last moment You bring yet another word of perseverance. I feel both overjoyed yet frustrated. Is it even possible to feel both of these at once?
O afflicted one, storm-tossed, and not comforted,Behold, I will set your stones in antimony,And your foundations I will lay in sapphires. Moreover, I will make your battlements of rubies, And your gates of crystal, And your entire wall of precious stones. All your sons will be taught of the LORD; And the well-being of your sons will be great. In righteousness you will be established; You will be far from oppression, for you will not fear; And from terror, for it will not come near you.
To your promises I cling, refusing to give into the depression of reality which so enticingly calls. I stand firm believing in my provider, my rock of my foundation. No matter what storm may come, no matter how the wind roars and the sea bellows, I will not be shaken. I stand firm. But from the depths of my heart I call out, Lord hear my cry. I ask for provision but most of all God, your presence be with me. Let not my circumstances be able to dictate my emotions.
I am reminded not to despise small beginnings for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin (Zech 4:10). Lord I ask for more of your strength. I find it so hard. I am not even sure if I can take it. O but God, if this is your will, I will walk it and I will continue to try to rejoice in it. I cling to your promises of a future and a hope. I remember my prayers on enlarging my capacity, stretching me for more of your purpose and I feel like an engine undergoing an oil change. Just that I have yet to be topped off with new oil. My reservoirs are again running dry but it seems that always at the last moment You bring yet another word of perseverance. I feel both overjoyed yet frustrated. Is it even possible to feel both of these at once?
O afflicted one, storm-tossed, and not comforted,Behold, I will set your stones in antimony,And your foundations I will lay in sapphires. Moreover, I will make your battlements of rubies, And your gates of crystal, And your entire wall of precious stones. All your sons will be taught of the LORD; And the well-being of your sons will be great. In righteousness you will be established; You will be far from oppression, for you will not fear; And from terror, for it will not come near you.
To your promises I cling, refusing to give into the depression of reality which so enticingly calls. I stand firm believing in my provider, my rock of my foundation. No matter what storm may come, no matter how the wind roars and the sea bellows, I will not be shaken. I stand firm. But from the depths of my heart I call out, Lord hear my cry. I ask for provision but most of all God, your presence be with me. Let not my circumstances be able to dictate my emotions.
